The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena
by smileysgoboing
Summary: Prompted by Gwidlet's challenge. The 5 times Valek accidentally knocked out Yelena.
1. Fighting

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

**Part 1:**

"Come on, love," Valek coaxed. "I know you can do better than that." Annoyed, Yelena attacked again with her staff, jabbing and poking where she could, but unfortunately, Valek continued to block each one.

It was another one of their private "training sessions." Janco never believed her when she made her excuses.

"Hold on," Valek said. They paused in their fighting, and he pointed out her stance and grip on her staff. Yelena groaned. Valek apologised. "I'm sorry, but you did agree to this." Taking in her exasperated expression, he said, "How about a straight fight?"

Yelena was unable to resist the challenge, and soon they started. Valek grinned. He loved a good fight, and Yelena was one of his best opponents. They fighting resumed, with more vigour and excitement than before. Valek settled in his 'zone', the place where he could concentrate, and block out the outside world. Yelena had a zone too – but it was magical. His wasn't. Strategies and thoughts raced through his head – which would be the best way to dispatch his opponent?

Yelena flinched as a not-so-light blow struck her leg. She backed away, blocking whatever she could but Valek continued to whack her body, his face a mask of complete concentration. "Valek!" Yelena cried as another blow hit her ribs. She hissed, and glared. "Hey! Snap out of it!" Valek ignored her, pushing her back until she was against the wall. "Fine! Be that way." Yelena muttered angrily, and resumed blocking, settling into her mental zone. She predicted his moves, but he was too fast.

Yelena groaned again, but kept attacking, switching from defensive to offensive. It worked a little – the blows came less frequently, but Yelena was still not quite on the offensive – somewhere in between, blocking and hitting at the same time. Maybe more blocking than hitting.

Valek glared – an opponent was never this hard to beat. What was he doing anyway? He sighed inwardly, and with one lightning fast movement, moved his staff to hit his opponent's temple. She went down.

Yelena gave a little squeak, then collapsed. Valek grinned, and stepped out of his fighting stance, suddenly noticing sounds and sights he had ignored when fighting. Then he saw Yelena.

"Oops."


	2. Panicking

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

**Thanks to all the people who have reviewed, or read this story!**

**Part 2:**

"Valek! Valek!" Yelena called excitedly from across the room. "Guess what?"

Valek grinned at her silliness and went over. "Yes, love?"

Yelena sobered instantly and scowled. "I'm BORED!"

"It's already night-time," Valek reasoned. "8pm. Most people are in their rooms."

Banging on their door made Yelena smile. "Not them!"

"Hi, Janco! Hi, Ari!" Yelena greeted them the moment she opened the door.

Janco gaped. "How did you know it was us?"

"Magic!" Yelena sang happily, sobering again. "Janco, I'm bored."

"So am I," he declared. "Fortunately, I have an idea."

"I'm getting a bit worried about them," Valek confided in Ari. Ari grinned, and shook his head.

"You'll get used to it."

"WE'RE GOING OUT!" Janco bellowed. He dragged Yelena and Ari out of the room, leaving Valek to follow.

"By the way, Janco, where exactly are we going?" Valek asked, amused at his friends.

"To.. the…" Janco paused for effect, then shouted, "TO THE MOVIES!"

"What's a movie?"

"It's a kind of new invention thingy," Janco explained. "Similar to TV, except for lots of people. And on a big, big screen.""

"Interesting," Valek remarked.

"WE'RE GOING TO SEE THE MOVIES!" Yelena yelled happily, dancing down the silent hallway.

"Liaison Yelena, what is this?" Commander Ambrose stuck his head out of his office and glared at said liaison.

"Um, I was excited to go the movies?" Yelena shrugged her slender shoulders. "Want to come?"

"No thank you," said the Commander, looking at Yelena with a wow-she's-crazy look, then at Valek with an is-she-alright look. Valek shrugged, and mouthed the words 'I don't know'. Ambrose shrugged in return, and shut the door.

"Yay! We're going to see the movies!" Yelena repeated softly, and the four headed towards the night market.

"SEE THE LATEST INVENTION IN IXIA!" A man boomed into a microphone. "THE ONE AND ONLY CINEMA IN IXIA!"

"Over there," Janco said unnecessarily. "Oh, they're showing a horror movie today!"

"What's a horror movie?" Yelena asked.

"It's a really, really scary movie."

"Compared to what we've seen, I doubt it's _that_ scary," Valek scoffed.

"Just wait and see," Janco answered. "Let's get some drinks! And popcorn!"

"Ooh, popcorn," Yelena said. They went over to the food and drinks stand, buying their popcorn.

"Could I please have some water?" Yelena smiled at the seller.

"No water here, missy," he replied. "We've only got alcoholic drinks, miss."

"Do you know where we can get water?" Yelena asked again.

"No water around here, miss."

"Beer it is," Janco interrupted, and paid for several cans. "Here you go." He handed the cans out, 3 per person.

"Movies!" Yelena said again.

* * *

_After the movie..._

"Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, everything that's wonderful, it's what I feel when…" Yelena sang softly.

"Ok, Janco," Valek said. "That was really, really scary."

"Told you!" Janco grinned. "You owe me, Ari."

"Damn."

The fun-filled mood died down, terror and paranoia filling its place. "Did you hear that?" Janco whispered, terrified. The wind was whistling, rustling leaves in what seemed like a threatening way.

"Hear what?" Ari whispered back, glancing from side to side.

An owl hooted. "That's just an owl, Janco." Valek sighed with relief.

"No, it wasn't!" Janco defended himself. "I heard something else." They quieted, listening for any weird noises. A strange squeaking sound grew louder and louder, and the four huddled together.

"Hello, bat!" Yelena said cheerfully. The bat flew to Yelena and hung on her arm. Ari, Valek and Janco all sighed with relief – it seemed that Yelena was the only one unaffected by the movie, and the alcohol had only enhanced her hyperness. Just great.

"Oof!" Yelena skipped ahead of them, then promptly tripped into a puddle of...Valek didn't even want to think about it.

"Eeeew." Yelena winced as she stood up, taking in her mud-and-who-knows-what-else ruined uniform.

"Come on, let's go the castle," Ari declared, and they headed to the safety of the Commander's castle.

"Looks like you need a bath," Janco taunted.

"Shut up," Yelena muttered, sobering temporarily. "Valek, gonna go take a bath." She wandered off in the general direction of said baths, humming happily.

"Well, I'm heading off," Ari said into the somewhat awkward silence.

"Me too," Janco added, and the power twins headed to their rooms. Leaving Valek to walk alone – alone! – to his suite. A small, barely noticeable shudder ran through Valek's body.

_Just a movie, just a movie,_ Valek chanted silently in his head. _Just a really scary movie. _He mentally glared at the irrational part of himself, and ignored it easily – years of practice.

An eerie creak filled the hallway, and only years of ninja training prevented him from running back to his room. _ Maybe I could spider-walk back to the room_, Valek thought hopefully, but cursed when he realised he didn't have any equipment on him – only his darts.

A door slammed. "Eep!" Valek squealed softly, and covered his mouth. He, Valek, was a master assassin. He had killed and seen many people die, horrible painful deaths. He had seen the gruesomeness of the Kirawaka ritual, of blood magic. But all this seemed oh-so insignificant compared to _a scary movie_. The effects hadn't even been that good. More cursing filled Valek's thoughts.

"Valek?"The Commander popped his head out of his room. "I heard someone scream. Did you see anyone?"

"No, Sir," Valek choked out. "Goodnight." He nodded, and then rushed off to his suite. The door seemed large and threatening, but tonight the empty hallway seemed even more sinister and dangerous. Valek fumbled nervously with his keys, cursing the day when the locksmith came and installed so many locks. He could, of course, pick them, but his hands seem too shaky tonight to do anything useful.

The door swung open silently, and the room he entered was astonishingly dark – something he had never noticed before. His trained eyes could barely make out the outline of the furniture, so Valek stumbled over piles of books to light a lamp. The small flame made Valek sigh with relief – it seemed to chase away unseen monsters hiding in the shadows.

Valek was exhausted – all his energy spent on his paranoia. So exhausted he forget to check for any intruders. _Oh well._ He settled onto his bed, remembering having to order a bigger one for Yelena and himself. The comforting feeling of his bed sheets soothed Valek, but he kept a small light on just in case.

* * *

_Five minutes later..._

The wind howled outside – or was it a wolf? Valek shivered, and drew the blankets around himself like a child, hoping they would protect him from whatever was out there. The wind blew violently again, knocking a branch against the window, an ominous tapping.

The blankets grew warmer and warmer, suffocating him. Now they seemed like restrictions rather than a protective barrier. He kicked a leg free, anxiously waiting for sleep. Noises grew stranger in his mind – even a simple owl hoot threatened to send him outside with his darts.

_Tick, tock. Tick, tock._

Valek felt like the very annoying clock – his nerves being winded up with every noise. His senses noticed everything – the faint lavender scent, the strange shape on the floor, the mysterious noises outside.

_Tick, tock._

A soft click and a barely-there creak poured adrenaline into Valek's body – waking his terrified and exhausted mind. Soft footsteps – obviously a trained assassin – padded around the main room. The faint scraping sound of someone lighting a match made Valek sit upright, hissing in annoyance. How dare someone come into his suite? The ninja training came in handy as Valek rolled quietly out of bed, and he grabbed his always-nearby darts, dipping a few in goo-goo juice, and another in Curare. He tucked them into his belt, and crept to the door. It swung open on well oiled hinges and crept down the hallway and stairs – which creaked softly. _Damnit._ The intruder was still in the main room, the lamp casting a strangely shaped shadow.

Valek glared contemptuously at the stranger, who didn't suspect that he'd woken, or that he was even there. The tables had turned – Valek was no longer prey. Now he was the predator, hunting the unknown. HE took aim at the back of the stranger wearing an Ixian uniform, hoping desperately that taking out the intruder would soothe his nerves.

He put the dart to his lips, and blew. It flew in slow motion, sluggishly heading towards the stranger. The strange whirled around, as if he could hear the dart, and her – her? – eyes widened with confusion and surprise.

Valek swore as he recognised, too late, Yelena's familiar green eyes. The dart flew true, embedding itself in her leg and she collapsed, still partially facing him. Cursing filled Valek's thoughts again, aimed in the general direction of Janco's room. Stupid movie. Stupid Janco for bringing him there. _Why_, he asked himself_, do I have to be so paranoid?_

Damn Janco, driving him to knock out Yelena. He stared down at her limp form, and sighed.

"Oops."

* * *

**I know I'm not writing her reaction, but I think it would just kind of ... ruin it. I like it when he ends with 'oops'. I can, however, write an ending to these stories that includes Yelena's reactions. Yes or no?**


	3. Dropping

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

**Part 3:**

Valek was organising his suite again, rearranging and moving various books to find the one he needed. It wasn't there.

"Valek," Yelena whined.

"Yes, love?" he answered, still shuffling the many books he owned.

"Bored again," she chimed.

"Again?"

"Again," she confirmed.

"Okay," he answered. "How about you help me?"

"Okay," Yelena echoed. She followed him into the library, not even caring about the daunting prospect of hunting for a single book in the enormous library. Valek admired the library – a magnificent place, really, full of knowledge and countless books.

"I need you to help me find a book," he ordered, assessing the number of shelves and books and how long it would take. After reciting the title, she drifted towards a shelf, running her dainty fingers over the spines.

Valek strode towards a shelf on his left, examining the lower shelves. The whole bookcase seemed to stretch towards the ceiling, and he could only reach so far. As Valek contemplated the situation, he noticed a very conveniently-placed ladder nearby, and dragged it over, climbing easily to the next shelf.

The world shrank to encompass books, and only books. Endless titles, covers. The thick layer of dust lying everywhere. The fain, clean smell of parchment. The textures, the colours, the fonts of all the different books amazed Valek.

"Is this it?" Yelena's voice startled Valek out of his book-hunting, and he looked down, where Yelena was waving a book around. She looked rather small, and he couldn't see anything from up there. Sighing, he eased his way down.

The book in question was small, with a deep blue cover. It was the wrong book.

"Sorry, love." Valek's voice was rather stern – having to search in the giant library was frustrating, and having someone to 'help' wasn't doing much good either. A bored Yelena required plenty of patience and attention, but Valek had none for today.

With another sigh, he ascended once again.

"How about this one?" Despite being an assassin, with particularly good eyesight and attention span, Valek couldn't see the book title from where he was. In the minute or two it had taken Yelena to find the book she was brandishing, Valek had already looked at and dismissed 3 or 4 shelves.

"I'm coming, just wait a bit, love." He climbed down faster, impatient to climb up and just find the damn book.

It was the wrong book.

"No." Valek didn't bother with the usual endearment of 'love', and he hurried back up again, not noticing Yelena's annoyed expression.

"This one?" Yelena's voice was barely audible, and he couldn't make out how far away the floor was. Was he afraid of heights? Valek didn't know – yes, he had climbed plenty of walls, but this ladder and shelf was very tall.

There was no paralysis, no increasing of heart rate, no hyperventilation, and so Valek thought it safe to assume that he was not afraid of heights. "Coming," he called loudly.

With a little puff of dust, Valek landed on the ground. He had skipped the last few rungs – it was faster to jump, though. Valek's patience had completely disappeared, but Yelena's boredom had increased to never-seen-before dimensions.

"Wrong one." His face had settled into a cold mask – Valek was too entirely focused on finding the book – _that damn, pesky book!_ – and was in no mood to deal with Yelena's silly antics.

"Do you remember the title?" he asked sharply. She nodded, jerking her head up and down, and stomped off. Hopefully to their rooms – she wasn't helping him at _all_.

The world should just install ladders, just to make things easier for Valek. Ladders were so much easier to climb, and thanks to Yelena, he was practising climbing up and down quickly. Again, he scaled the ladder, ready to continue his search – but he had finished the column. He had to go back down.

Frustration and annoyance bloomed in a maddening flower, and Valek felt the overwhelming urge to yell at the King and his stupid, _stupid_ library, to push and knock down all those books, to pull the pages out, to reduce the number of book to only two, to–

Was that the book?

He peered closer, blinked, blinked again. It was indeed the missing book, and all those feelings had completely disappeared, leaving only behind relief and elation. With some effort, he tugged it out from where it was wedged between two books. A final jerk, and Valek pulled out a thick book, causing him to wobble precariously on the ladder.

But, of course, being a master assassin, he stayed on the ladder. One of the many perks of being an assassin/ninja, he supposed.

Valek stared at the book in his hands, marvelling over the fact that he had _actually found it_. Overwhelming relief was all Valek could feel – after all, it had taken him so long to find the mysterious book. It had eluded him for so long, and now, here it was. In his hands.

Time to climb back down.

Valek clutched the fat book in his hand, using the other to anchor himself to the ladder. One foot lowered itself onto the next rung, and the–

"Valek?" Yelena's sweet voice startled him – hadn't she stormed off to their rooms? Apparently not. The book slipped a tiny bit out of his hand. His other hand tightened around the ladder. His other food waved around wildly in the air.

The book slipped another inch. Valek cursed and tried to regain his balance. _Concentrate, concentrate…_

"Valek!" Yelena's impatient voice stole Valek's concentration, and he wobbled some more, letting go of the fat, thick, ridiculously heavy book to grab onto the ladder.

The fat book fell.

Yelena stood obliviously below, calling for her heart-mate. A shout from Valek – "LOOK OUT!" – was the only word of warning received. She looked up and saw the fat book.

The fat book met Yelena's face.

Silently, she crumpled, the pesky book rebounding and landing with a loud thump onto the ground, releasing another puff of dust.

_More like her forehead_, Valek though nervously as he climbed down. He hurried over to Yelena, bending take her pulse. She was alive – just unconscious. Again.

Valek sighed again – he seemed to be sighing a lot these past few days. He also couldn't stop knocking Yelena out.

"Oops."

* * *

**Yay! 3****rd**** chapter! I'm sorry that I haven't' been updating. TFTVKOY isn't my top priority, but I'm attempting to finish it, and then fully focus on my other stories. **

**I hope you liked this one, and credit goes to my friend **_**Infrastructure**_**. She and another friend helped me with ideas on how to knock someone out.**

**Thank you for reading, and reviewing,**

**Smileysgoboing**

**And a Dearblank,pleaseblank post to be random:**

_Dear Windshield Wipers, _

_Can't touch this._

_Sincerely, That Little Triangle_


	4. Zombifying

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

**Part 4:**

**Yay! A potato! Not really.**

**This idea goes to the wonderful and awesome Gwidlet.**

Valek stared adoringly down at Yelena, guilt plaguing him. It had only been a few hours since the… incident at the library, but she still wasn't awake. Alarming thoughts raced through his head – what if he knocks her out again? What if she realises that he, Valek, has been knocking her out? What if he does something worse than knock her out?

Paranoia was clearly not for Valek, as demonstrated by the… second incident which involved a movie, Janco and some darts. He shuddered – clearly, he needed some cheering up.

Scores of soldiers had come to challenge him, and he had beaten them all. Whether they had a bow or knife, sword or hand-to-hand, they could never beat him – he was Valek, master assassin, winner of all challenges. The only person who could beat him would be the Commander – but why? All those years ago, they had been young – well, Valek had been young. He was an assassin, and only one person could beat him. This would have made any normal person happy, but Valek was not.

Valek wondered if he could beat the Commander now. After all, he had years of practising and learning. He was unbeatable now – maybe tomorrow he could challenge the Commander and–

His rambling thoughts stopped when he entered the suite, when he saw Yelena. On the floor.

Dead.

The world dissolved into a haze of pain and agony, all rational thoughts replaced by disbelief and horror. Worse than that time in Sitia, when she'd gone all Soulfinder-and-magician-y on him. So much worse.

The door slammed as he stumbled out, frantically trying to wipe tears of grief and horror away. How? _How?_ How could his Yelena, his beloved, beautiful Yelena be dead?

Valek couldn't imagine living without her, couldn't imagine a world without Yelena – her beauty, her intelligence, her sarcasm – everything about her lit up his whole world to something enjoyable, something bright and light, and _she was everything he lived for_. He had once thought himself loyal to the Commander, but knew if he had to choose between them, Yelena would always be his choice.

He loved her so much it hurt – hurt so much when they were apart. How could it not? Yelena had his soul, his spirit, his love, his strength, his heart. He loved her so much, and it always, _always_ amazed him that she loved him back.

But now she was gone.

The world was not worth living in if she wasn't there.

He could hear her sweet voice, calling his name. A delusion, a hallucination. Something his mind conjured up. Never again would he hear her voice, never see her radiant, glowing eyes, never smell that faint perfume of lavender. Never.

The unbearable pain-horror-grief-agony-disbelief slammed into the place where he assumed his heart would have been, had Yelena not stolen it.

Gone forever.

It had only been a minute or so, and already Valek had been driven mad with the longing to be with her again, to see her one last time, to tell her that he loved her so, so much. One minuted. Trying to imagine years – a lifetime, if he could survive for that long without her – was killing him.

Valek collapsed.

* * *

Ari sat patiently as Janco paced impatiently. "Damnit, when's he gonna wake up?"

"I don't know," Ari said calmly. "We don't even know why he was unconscious."

"Who cares? Ari! Just poke him or something," Janco commanded.

"No, he's awake," Ari said, watching as Valek's eyes flickered open. "Valek?"

"Hellooooooooooooooooooooooo–" Valek seemed a little loopy, Ari observed –"–"

Valek cut himself off, a combination of pain, heartbreak, agony and numerous other emotions on his face, lasting for a few seconds before the metal mask settled into place.

"Uh, hi, Valek," Janco said carefully. "Um, you okay there?" He made a vague gesture that encompassed Valek's face.

"Fine," was the curt reply. Valek climbed out of bed rather robotically, striding towards the showers.

"What's wrong with him?" Janco wondered.

Ari shrugged.

* * *

For the next few hours, Valek threw himself into whatever he could find: work for the Commander, beating the soldiers who challenged him and tidying his suite. He couldn't bear to start carving again – it was filled with memories of _her_, from when she was "investigating" as a food taster, or when he was carving the butterfly for her. Janco and Ari seemed oblivious about _her_ death, but Valek was settled in a type of denial.

He refused to believe that Yelena, his heart-and-soul mate, was dead. Unfortunately, his career had taught him to look at the facts, and so a tiny, tiny part of him knew it was true. He refused to know why or how, or when. He stayed away – from everyone and everything.

Valek settled down at his table, concentrating fiercely on completing the paperwork. And once he'd finished that, he would clean the room. Again. Too many books, he supposed. The paperwork was boring and tedious, but Valek continued to force himself to work harder, do the best he can.

The familiar clicking sound of his locks being unlocked – or picked – reached Valek's ears; he stiffened, then grabbed a bow from nearby. He approached the door silently, waiting for that last click that signalled the opening of the door.

It swung open silently, the light from the hallway shielding the person's face from view. Valek stilled as the door closed, revealing glowing green eyes and the confused face of a woman who looked impossibly like Yelena.

"Valek?" the imposter asked. Her voice matched Yelena's perfectly – sweet and melodious. "Where have you been?"

Confusion exploded in Valek's body, thoughts bursting in his mind – Yelena was dead! But who was this? She looked like Yelena, sounded like Yelena. Was she Yelena? Who was she? Where is Yelena?

The fast thinking of Valek's mind occurred in a few seconds, and he came to the conclusion that this was _not_ Yelena. _Neutralise the target_.

The bow swung towards the girl, hitting her squarely on the temple. Her knees buckled, and she crumpled on the floor. Valek refused to look at her – she reminded him too much of Yelena.

Janco burst through the door, Ari walking calmly behind. "Hey, Valek, have you seen–" Janco stopped, inspecting the body on the ground.

"Um, Valek?" Ari began. "Why did you…knock out Yelena?"

Again, confusion kaboomed in Valek, but he squashed it with logic. "That's not Yelena."

"Uh, yeah, it is," Janco disagreed. "We're talking about Yelena, your soul-mate, the scary… Soulfinder of Sitia, new Liaison of Ixia and Sitia? You know, that Yelena?"

Valek stood still, and thought again. _That _must_ be Yelena-but Yelena's dead-what the hell-if Yelena's dead, who's this-but Janco said-maybe she fell on the floor-still unconscious- are you sure-you didn't see her properly-you idiot!_

Again, the thought processing took a few seconds. "Oops."

**Hmmm.**

**I hoped you like that one. And just in case you didn't get it (which I'm sure you did – you're all so smart), Yelena was unconscious, she fell on the floor – rolling around? Does that even work? Meh.**

**Anyway, Valek assumed she was dead, and when he ran out, the door slamming woke her up, and she called his name. Then, he's working, Yelena comes in, he knocks her out because he assumes it's an imposter, and Janco and Ari are looking for her.**

**Anyway, 2 more chapters to go: 1 last time when Valek knocks her out, and the first and last one of Yelena waking up.**

**Anyway, Merry Christmas! I hope you all enjoyed your presents, because I got an awesome present! **

**Seriously. What could beat Ninja Cookie Cutters? That's what I got. In. Your. Faces.**

**Sorry. Merry Christmas, Happy Boxing Day/New Year,**

**smileysgoboing **

**Good fanfics:**

**Anything by ****Phoenix Fanatic****, if you read Tamora Pierce and Maximum Ride books. I'd have to recommend **_**Diary of a Lovesick Mutant**_**– Max Ride**

**Anything by ****Rockstar with a Vendetta, ****if you read Tamora Pierce, and like strange pairings. Some of them are pretty random, in my opinion, but all her stories are well written, and awesome. Recommendation: **_**We Live In Awkward Times, My Friend**_**. **


	5. Whacking

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

****

Part 5:

**GASP! It's the last part of this series of one-shots. I'm sorry, but there is no big grand finale. Much. None, really. Hope you like it, and if you have any better, awesomer ideas, feel free to review or PM me - I can re/write a chapter. Happy New Year! Merry Christmas! **

Once Valek had recovered from his shock of the…incident from yesterday, he went in search for some soldiers to beat up. The thrill of winning, of being successful was a constant factor in his life, and it was all thanks to the nice soldiers who challenged him.

Maren had challenged him again, by herself, with the bow again. Yes, she had most definitely improved, and she had _almost_ beaten him.

Almost.

At the point of defeat, Valek used his reserve of energy for a quick burst of speed that had enabled him to pin Maren down. But unfortunately, the thrill lasted exactly 3 seconds, in which he had the brilliant idea of visiting Yelena in the infirmary and had the horrible vision of her demanding the events of the past week or so.

Visiting was a no-go. But then again, she'd been in the infirmary for a few hours now, just enough for the medic to check her and make sure nothing was wrong. Valek had been over-worried that his constant knocking-out would have some effect, but he wouldn't know yet.

It had been so awkward explaining the situation to the medic.

Valek tucked the bow into a neat strap behind his back, leaving the top of the bow beside his head. It was a good idea – ideal for him to just whip the bow out and attack. He wandered in the general direction of their suite, torn between the possibility that she was already awake and in their suite (waiting for _him_), or that she was waking up and in the 10 minutes he'd taken to get to the suite, she was already there.

Damn his over thinking, over-analysing, paranoid mind. But it was the mind of an assassin who'd been trained to deal with all the consequences, possibilities and aspects of every situation.

And he was an assassin.

He knocked tentatively on the door, too lazy to unlock it. Did that mean that Yelena was already in there? Valek was very confused. There was no answer. Did that mean that Yelena _wasn't_ in there? Only one way to find out.

He unlocked the door, letting it swing open silently. Empty. Silent. Dust-covered. All normal. Yelena was obviously still in the infirmary. Valek sighed in relief – he was just _so_ worried about her reaction to the several…incidents that had happened in the past few weeks, and what on _earth_ would she say? What would you say to your soul-heart-mate who keeps knocking–

Again, the door swung open, and a bright voice spoke his name, and he spun wildly – and knocked the "intruder" out with the bow on his back. In the 10 minutes it had taken for him to "find" their suite, the bow had slipped from a diagonal position to an almost-horizontal position, with the top of the bow level with below his shoulder.

It was the exact height for him to knock out someone. Like Yelena, who was that height.

Another sigh – this time filled with resignation – filled the air as Valek stared down at Yelena's unconscious body. Again.

"Oops."

* * *

**And that, dear readers, is the conclusion to the five times Valek knocked out Yelena. Accidentally. I hope I've managed to make you grin, or laugh, or make weird faces at the weirdness. I hope you had some kind of positive reaction to this.**

**Thank you, readers and reviewers. I love you all. Not really. I don't really know you. But close enough. People I need to thank: SweetSabah, YelenaZ, Infrastructure (for her ideas), reader300, Neal, Gwidlet - for the challenge/prompt and reviews, blah, KaAaArL(awesome author), Beautifully Tragic Girl, HerexForxYourxEntertainment, Patastic and Harlequinn99 (another awesome author).**

**Actually, all the people who reviewed are awesome authors. Gwidlet included. **

**It was fun writing this, and I hope you like it. **

**smileysgoboing**


	6. Reacting

The Five Times Valek KO'ed Yelena

**BOO! IT'S ANOTHER CHAPTER!**

**Epilogue:**

Yelena was lying on the table in the infirmary again. He'd walked in, cradling her, and the medic has simply raised an eyebrow and sighed. She was still unconscious, but the medic had informed Valek that she would wake soon.

Sure enough, her eyelids had flickered, revealing a hint of green. She blinked, staring in a confused manner at Valek and the medic, and said, "Hello."

"Yelena?" Valek asked nervously – he was still incredibly worried about her reaction to the…incidents.

"Hello," she repeated, and calmly sat up. "I'm–" She lay back down again, still blinking.

"Love, are you alright?"

"Hi, Valek!" Yelena squealed, sitting up to throw her arms around him. Her silliness disappeared as she asked, "What am I doing here?"

_Oh no. This was it._ Valek swallowed and tugged his collar. "Well, love," he began. "Um, you see… when… this morning…"

Yelena held up a hand to shush him, waiting patiently as she remembered what had happened. Valek squirmed as he imagined the memories trickling back into her mind, as she made connections between the incidents and–

"Valek," Yelena said calmly. "What did you do?" He stared sheepishly at the ground, his shoes, the ceiling, the medic, and anything that wasn't Yelena.

"Well… um," he mumbled. "I…accidentally…"

"Knocked me out?" Yelena finished, an annoyed expression on her face. "Valek, if you had only knocked me out _once_, then I would understand that it was a simple and honest mistake. But no! You have to knock me out _five times_."

"But it–"

"Yes, it was your fault!" Yelena shouted. "You're an _assassin_, and you manage to 'accidentally' knock me out five times. FIVE TIMES, Valek. FIVE TIMES!"

"Love, just–"

"No, I will NOT calm down! How can I be calm? My soul-mate, over the course of a week, has knocked me out. Five times. FIVE TIMES! How is that even possible? How does that even work?" She slid off the table, and stood in front of Valek, her fury and disbelief making up for the extra inches needed.

"How," she demanded, stabbing his chest with a finger, "How on _earth_ did you do it?" A new idea struck her, and she began pacing, still using the finger to stab the air in his general direction. "Alright. WHO PUT YOU UP TO THIS? Was it Janco?"

Valek could only shake his head.

"Ari? Maren? Leif? The Commander? Brazell? ANSWER ME, VALEK. WHO?"

"No one put me up to it, I swear!" Valek said, backing away quickly.

"Well, how _else_ can you explain this?" Yelena screamed, waving her arms to encompass the infirmary.

"It-it-it was an-an accident! I swear!"

"Yeah, right!" she yelled contemptously, stomping dangerously towards him. "AN _ACCIDENT_. YOU'RE AN _ASSASSIN_. ASSASSINS DON'T MAKE MISTAKES. IT'S THEIR CAREER. YOU MAKE A MISTAKE, THEN YOU DIE!"

"No one's perfect! Everyone makes mistakes!" Valek said, now extremely terrified. His back had reached the door, and his hand patted it frantically until it found the doorknob. "LoveIreallyhavetogorightnow-!" He yanked the door open, and simply ran from the intimidating force that was Yelena. She let out a screech of anger, and chased after him.

"VALEK!"

He sprinted down the hallways, blindly turning left, and right, until he arrived at his destination: the Commander's office.

"Sir! Sir! SIR!" Valek shouted, banging unnecessarily hard on the door. It opened, with the Commander glaring at him.

"What is it now, Valek?" he asked in a voice that was slow and calm.

"Let me in! Now! Please, Sir!" Without waiting for an answer, Valek barged in through the door, at the exact moment when Yelena saw him.

"VALEK!" Yelena rammed herself into a small space between door and doorway as Valek attempted to close the door. She knocked into him, and the Commander tripped over them, landing in a tangle of Valek, Yelena and Ambrose.

"Ow!" Yelena disentangled herself from the pile, and shook herself off, her rage seemingly disappearing. She looked curiously around the room, with the naivety and innocence of a child. "What a plain room."

She looked at the floor, and Valek was sitting up, gingerly rubbing the sore spot which had struck the floor. He saw Yelena, and paled ferociously, scrambling away into the corner.

"Valek!" Yelena squealed once again, and squeezed him in a life-threatening hug. "Hello!"

Whimpering a tiny bit, he answered, "Love? Are you alright?"

She laughed – rather maniacally, in Valek's opinion – and simply squeezed him again. "Of course I'm alright, silly!"

Valek frowned – there had been someone else, someone very important, who was not with them at the moment… Who? He scanned the room, while calculating how to distract Yelena so he could make a run for it, when he noticed a body on the floor.

Yelena followed his gaze, and made a face. "Eeew, it's a _body_." She stood still for a moment, thinking and contemplating, while Valek made his escape. A shout of triumph – Yelena turned, and saw Valek running down the hallway. She frowned after him, the silliness disappearing (again), as she stared at the body.

_The Commander's body_, she realised, approaching it cautiously. Was he dead? Unconscious? A small flame of rage flared inside her, but she squashed it with her deep thoughts.

She prodded it gently, and the Commander stirred, thought not quite awake. Another horrifying thought – what would the Commander think of her? Of Valek? Of his lying on the floor, recovering from unconsciousness and she was the only one there?

"Damnit."

* * *

**I know there have been a few problems, but this a crazy story, not to mention completely unrealistic. Everyone is extremely out of character. Things don't make sense, and I can't be bothered to make them…make sense.**

**Hope you liked it,**

**smileysgoboing **


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